electronicalifornia

(deep breath)…(sigh)

I’m back. Back in America, back to my blog, back to a place mentally/emotionally I want to be.

It was meant to be a fun vacation, a diversion, but it wound up being much more than that.

The word that comes to mind is retreat. The beautiful countryside. The slower pace of life. The warmth of family.

I didn’t come home tired with a thousand pictures, knick knacks, and a dread to return to life.

Instead, I am refreshed, relaxed and ready to take on life. I didn’t leave that way. I was beaten down physically, mentally and spiritually.

My situation hasn’t changed. I am equally if not more busy than when I left. My bills are still due. My cats poop still smells and I still have to wipe off the mirror after every time I brush my teeth.

So whats the point? Why am I writing about my personal life even though I said I wont’t?

Because I learned something simple and yet proufoundly impacting for my life and maybe you can use it too.

I learned how to stop and relax. No big deal right? That’s what weekends are for? Nope. I can’t remember the last weekend/holiday that ended with me saying, “That was refreshing, I am ready for life again.” For those of you with kids, “work” is non-stop. For those of us without kids, we fill that time with other compulsions.

My wife is on top of everyting, always. The house is always clean, bills are always paid and the dishes never sit for more than 5 minutes. I am not critiquing her. I reap the many benefits of not having to worry about some of these things. But I’ve always told her she needs to “relax” and slow down, because I knew how to.

I confused my own procrastination about certain things as the ability to “relax”. I didn’t realize I am just as compulsive, just about different things. I am driven by the need to have fun, to entertain and be liked. I am always needing to go somewhere, do something and be talking to somebody.

The second night in Ireland, I was laying in bed next to my wife pondering the realization that I just talked for probably 3 hours straight. Interrupting the silence, I asked her,”Did I talk too much tonight (complusion #1)?”. She answered, “maybe a little.” I thought about that for a second and asked compulsion…I mean question number two, “Do you think they noticed, like I was annoying?”. Same answer.

My brother’s house (where I stayed) was completely different than my own home. The dishes might stay in the sink for a couple hours after dinner or when people were over, the next day. There wasn’t a mirror to get toothpaste suds on. My wife went crazy right? Nope. She has probably never been more relaxed. We spent a lot of time just sitting around the house, hanging out. There wasn’t people over all the time, or events everyday. I think I might have made 3 phone calls at the most. I didn’t write email, blog or chat on skype. After evening number 2, I just relaxed. My wife didn’t need to clean and organize, I didn’t need to entertain and socialize.

So now I am home. The rest will wear off and in a week I will have forgotten I ever left. Our house will look peferct, our bills will be paid early, I’ll be making plans for every evening, feeling guilty for not posting/writing my graphic novel/editing my movies, and on my cell phone 8 hours a day.

Or maybe not. Maybe we’ll learn from our retreat. About ourselves, our lives, and how to relax.