Archive for the 'AOL News' Category

Costa Mesa Police Department Uses Bicycle License Law to Entrap Citizens

Last night a friend of mine was pulled over for driving bicycling without a license. Yep you heard it right. He had gotten pulled over for not having a license for his bicycle, an ordinance in Costa Mesa that carries a hefty $5 fine. The problem? No one has ever heard of this law and searching online I can’t find it anywhere. I have been a resident of Costa Mesa for 5 years now and the best thing I can find is a random post on a non-official blog that states you can get a bike license at the local fire department for free.

Why the need for a bicycle license? To keep it’s citizens safe? Sadly, no it’s simply broken tail light pullover. The policeman stops you to figure out what else he can get you for. Past crimes, illegals aliens, maybe he can get you for biking under the influence which nets the pd $250. In the below instance, they pulled over a latino man for biking on the wrong side of the street, then took him to jail for not having his license. He ended up getting deported.

Of those accused of being in the country illegally, 55 were suspected of misdemeanors, 39 of felonies, 9 of outstanding warrants, and one of jaywalking, an infraction. Another man who was stopped on suspicion of the infraction of riding his bike on the wrong side of the street was later detained because he did not have a bicycle license, a misdemeanor charge. In both infractions, police have said the men did not have proper identification and were brought to the station so police could determine their identities.

Now the counter argument here is “If you aren’t breaking the law, then why are you worried?”.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t work.  Lets play out a “hypothetical” situation:

I plan on spending the evening at a friends house nearby and know I might drink a few beers.  Nothing in excess (even 1 beer will cause you to fail a breathalyser).  I decide to be responsible and ride my bike for the safety of myself and others. Even though I know I will not drink enough to affect my driving, I am being overly cautious.  So I ride my bike (on the sidewalk, which has no pedestrians), but I get pulled over and booked for no license.  The police officer then makes me take a breathalyser that I fail.  Now I get booked for a DUI and it goes on my permanent record. Maybe I disagree with this totally bogus law and get booked for “assaulting” a police officer (it’s only me and him at night).

While this situation might seem like an exaggeration or me simply hating “the man”, a police officer pulling someone over for this law doesn’t fall under the given credo “to serve and protect”.

More importantly, this law is a barrier to citizens doing something good. Riding a bike reduces emissions, is good exercise and promotes a community-focused environment.

Pulling over an unlicensed bicyclist over is almost as stupid as arresting a breakfast cereal mascot.

Police On My Back [CavemanMoses]

What The Kids Are Up To

First, emo is dead. It died a long time ago. I don’t know what the kids are that wear black and have hair in their face are, but they are not emo. Emo was around a music scene that is long gone. Fall Out Boy (a band for the non-hipsters) isn’t emo, it’s just stupid.

So let’s call this movement stupid people because they follow stupid.

Second, this is the worst news reporting I have ever seen. They essentially went on a 15 yr old girls myspace page and wrote down everything they saw:

Reporter: Okay looks like there is some survey thing. I heard the kids all do these things now. “Are you vanilla icecream or chocolate”. Nope, not good enough click on her friend who is crying….YES, (generic poppy punk music begins playing) Oooohh, this is really dark. This is good, we should use this, who is it? My Chemical Romance. Wow, I mean…even I want to join the black parade. Scroll down…Oh here we go, ‘Answer the below questions to find out if your emo’…perfect. Can we somehow get a picture of this page? Question One: Do you hurt inside? None…a little…deeply…or my heart bleeds poison. Okay. Anything else? Looks like some sparkle text, no we gotta cut that out, a blinking rainbow that says I love my bff doesn’t sound EMO enough.

Third, I was really disspointed to find out out, there isn’t a prize for getting the most points on an online survey, especially an emo one…I mean come on…I’ve been filling those things out since 95 hoping to get something.

Pornda

Zoo hopes porn will help pandas mate

Not sure why thought that would work. We’ve known at least since at least 1972 that looking at dirty pictures doesn’t get you pregnant.

It definitely hasn’t worked for teenage computer nerds.

The Hero Gets The Girl

World’s Tallest Man Marries

It’s nice to know that there is still such a thing as a storybook ending.

Though this one is a little more Beauty and the Beast, than say, Cinderella

When I grow up…

Spiderman is evil, Cowboys are gay, and now astronaughts are weird stalkers….

Why can’t they just let me have my heroes the way they were?

Moby Dickmas (wait don’t get mad, just read it, it works…c’mon…read it)

Woman get’s $18,000 Whale Vomit for Christmas

I want that. I have really been wanting some marine mammal excrement for Christmas. And if thats too much money, at least some type of glandular discharge. Sadly, I don’t think I’m gonna get it. Everyone I’ve asked to get me something says they’re not giving me shit for Christmas.

Lizard People

My little brother missed his calling

Lily Capehart dresses up her pet lizards and then her father photographs them

Why do we like to make animals look like people? I’ve never thought a dog with a hat on was cute or funny. On the other hand I do giggle every time I see a monkey in a tuxedo. Most likely thats because I’ve seen a monkey poop in it’s mother’s hand, the mother then preceded to take an bite and then handed it over to her son to have a taste also.

Monkey Feast

Family of Five, Walks on Four

A peculiar family in turkey has provided researchers with what is believed to be the missing link betweens humans and quadrupedal animals. Five of the adult siblings walk on all fours. The exact reason is unknown but it could be tied to anything from a genetic disorder to actual un-evolved humans.

This finding coincides with another recent scientific breakthrough by researchers in North America. A recent recovered skeleton, called by the first finders, Homo Wipestandus, seems to have the opposite problem of the aforementioned species. One scientist, Dr. Jorge Willhelm, has nicknamed the skeleton, Jerry:

“Jerry, was a bi-pedal human, almost too bi-pedal.”

“Jerry” wiped while standing up.

“Humans have come along way, we have developed language, learned how to use tools and most importantly we learned that you get the best spread by sitting down.”

It is rumored there is some residual behaviors left over from our ancestors.  Some even believe there are still some humans living today that may still utilize this practice.

“Some of my colleagues find it convenient to believe this species is long gone, but from my research and walking in on my brother once, I believe Wipestandus is still walking and standing among us.”

Today in The News

Osama Likes Whitney Houston

Mutant Hybrid Dog (Courtesy AOL News)

Chocolate Bath

But no mermaids…sorry everyone

Peace is Lost

Something for all the tree-loving-homo-democrats to eat with their tofu and dried fruit today. The Oxford dictionary has released the top 100 used nouns in the english language.

War appeared at no. 49. Peace didn’t even make the list.

Whats up now peace? You want some? I got some war for ya right here, Numero Cuarenta y Nueve. Pansy.

People use the word woman more than they used the word peace. You don’t get lower than that.

Obviously this all is said with much sarcasm, but just in case you didn’t get that I wasn’t serious, here is my disclaimer, I DONT MEAN ANY OF THIS.

Also, read the Oxford Guide to World Cup Terrace Talk